For Dads: Boundaries, Demand Avoidance, and Why Calories Still Count (Even on Weekends)

If you’re a dad supporting a teenager with an eating disorder, food can quickly become the main battleground in the house. You might notice yourself repeating reminders, explaining why eating matters, or getting frustrated when meals drag on or don’t happen at all.

It’s understandable. You’re worried. You want your child to get better. And you can see the practical problems coming if eating doesn’t improve.

What often gets missed is how the brain responds to pressure, especially when it’s under-fuelled.

A Truth Most of Us Recognise (If We’re Honest)

Most adults don’t like being told what to do.

If someone stood over you and said, “Eat this now,” or “You have to do it because I said so,” you’d probably feel irritated or dig your heels in, even if the request was reasonable.

That response is called demand avoidance. It’s a normal human reaction.

In teenagers with eating disorders, demand avoidance is amplified by:

• adolescence (a strong drive for autonomy)

• anxiety

• and a brain that hasn’t had enough fuel

So when eating becomes a demand, resistance often increases, not because they don’t care, but because their nervous system is overwhelmed.

Why Pushing Harder Backfires

When the brain is under-nourished, it’s more threat-focused and less flexible. In that state:

• logic doesn’t land

• explanations feel overwhelming

• pressure increases anxiety

• arguments turn into power struggles

This is why badgering, even well-intended, tends to make eating harder, not easier.

Boundaries work better than pressure because they reduce demand.

What a Boundary Actually Is

A boundary is

:• calm

• predictable

• non-negotiable

• followed through

A boundary is not a debate, a lecture, or a demand for insight.

You don’t need your teenager to agree with the boundary. You just need to hold it steadily.

Think scaffolding, not force.

Your Role Isn’t to Convince, It’s to Hold the Structure

Many dads feel responsible for making their child understand why eating matters.

That’s not your job right now.

Understanding improves after nutrition improves, not before.

Your role is to hold:

• meal and snack timing

• minimum expectations

• the structure of the day

The eating plan does the explaining. You don’t need to.

Scripts That Hold Boundaries Without Escalating Things

These phrases are intentionally boring. That’s a good thing.

• “This isn’t a discussion right now.”

• “I know you don’t like it. It still needs to happen.”

• “You don’t have to agree, you just have to do it.”

• “I’ll sit with you while you eat.”

• “The plan stays the same today.”

• “We can talk about feelings later. Right now, it’s food.”

Say it once. Calmly. Then stop talking.

Repeating explanations often increases demand and resistance.

Breakfast Is Still Non-Negotiable (Even When It’s Hard)

Mornings are often the toughest time to eat, especially with early starts, low appetite, or anxiety.

That doesn’t mean breakfast can be skipped.

It does mean breakfast may need to be adapted, not argued about.

Examples that still count as breakfast:

• smoothies or shakes

• liquid nutrition (with or without additions)

• eating on the way rather than at the table

• splitting breakfast into two parts if needed

What matters is calories landing, not how “normal” breakfast looks.

Weekends, Sleep-Ins, and ‘It’s a Different Routine’

Weekends often feel looser, later wake-ups, fewer commitments, more flexibility.

But nutrition doesn’t take weekends off.

If your teenager sleeps in, breakfast still needs to happen, even if it looks more like brunch, or happens later in the morning.

Boundaries might sound like:• “You slept in, so breakfast shifts later, it doesn’t disappear.”

• “We’ll adjust timing, not skip meals.”

• “Calories still need to land today.”

A later start means:

• meals may be closer together

• snacks still need to happen

• energy intake still needs to match the day

Routine can flex. Intake can’t.

Consistency Beats Intensity

Recovery isn’t built on big emotional moments or perfect compliance. It’s built on repetition.

• the same expectations

• the same tone

• the same follow-through

When boundaries are predictable, anxiety drops. When anxiety drops, eating becomes slightly easier. Over time, that’s what allows recovery to move forward.

A Final Word for Dads

If you’re feeling frustrated, impatient, or worried, that makes sense. This is hard.

But before pushing harder, it’s worth asking: Would I respond well if someone spoke to me this way?

Calm, steady boundaries don’t reduce your authority. They make it usable.

You don’t need to win an argument.

You need to stay steady and make sure the food keeps coming.

Learn more about the starved brain