What Parents Learn When They Finally Understand the Starved Brain.

If you are parenting someone with an eating disorder, you already know this truth:

Love alone is not enough.

You can be patient, calm, informed, consistent, and deeply caring — and still watch your child become more anxious, rigid, distressed, or shut down around food. This can leave parents feeling confused, helpless, or even blamed for “not doing it right.”

One of the most important things parents learn when they understand eating disorders through a brain and nutrition lens is this:

Your child is not choosing this; their brain is under-fuelled.

The Missing Piece Parents Are Rarely Taught

Most parents are taught to focus on:

• Behaviour

• Motivation

• Insight

• Readiness for change

• Emotional regulation

But what is often missing is an explanation of how malnutrition affects the brain itself.

When the brain is under-fuelled:

• thinking becomes rigid and black-and-white

• anxiety increases

• distress tolerance drops

• food feels genuinely threatening

• insight is impaired

• reassurance stops working

This is not defiance. This is not manipulation. And it is not a parenting failure.

It is a biological brain response to inadequate nutrition.

Why Distress Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

One of the hardest things for parents to tolerate is watching distress escalate when food intake increases.

Parents often think:

• “If eating is helping, why is this getting worse?”

• “Are we traumatising them?”

• “Should we slow down?”

Understanding the starved brain explains why:

• The brain initially panics when control is removed

• Anxiety spikes before it settles

• Emotions surge before regulation returns

This is not a sign that you are doing harm. It is often a sign that the brain is waking back up.

Why Waiting for Insight Can Be Dangerous

Parents are often told:

• “They need to want recovery”

• “You can’t force change”

• “Autonomy is important”

But a malnourished brain cannot reliably generate insight.

Waiting for motivation or agreement before restoring nutrition often means:

• prolonged illness

• deeper entrenchment

• increased medical and psychological risk

Food is not something that comes after insight. Food is what allows insight to return.

Why Food Is Not “Just One Part of Treatment”

Parents frequently hear that nutrition is “important” but is treated as secondary to therapy.

What parents learn when they understand the brain:

• Food is not a coping strategy

• Food is not a behavioural reward

• Food is not optional

Food is the treatment that allows all other treatments to work.

Without adequate nutrition:

• Therapy stalls

• Reassurance fails

• Skills don’t stick

• Families burn out

Why Parents Feel So Alone and Why They’re Not Wrong

Many parents sense that something is off when:

• Weight or blood tests are “normal”

• Professionals minimise risk

• Meal plans are negotiated away

• Distress is framed as emotional rather than neurological

Understanding the brain gives parents:

• Language

• Confidence

• Permission to insist on adequacy

Not because they are controlling but because they are protecting a brain that cannot yet protect itself.

A Resource Written for Parents, Patients, and Clinicians

Food Mad was written to translate the science of nutrition and the brain into language that parents can actually use.

It helps explain:

• Why eating disorders don’t resolve through logic alone

• Why distress is real, not performative

• Why food must come first, even when it’s hard

If you are a parent trying to understand why food matters so much, this book is for you.

👉 You can find the book here: 

Buy Food Mad

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Giving Back

For every copy of Food Mad sold, $2 is donated to EDCS (Eating Disorders Carer Support), supporting families and individuals affected by eating disorders in our community.

Because parents should not have to navigate this alone.